Happiness

and birthday list, as my birthday falls six days before Christmas! Anything written by Julie B. Beck An ipod touch! Macbook Air, in silver or pink a healthy, smiling baby Oh, and... -a massage chair (it's good therapy for us bipolar folk) -a treadmill (exercise is also good therapy. I went to Sports Authority today and they sell a program that downloads your favorite marathons/runs and plugs them into your treadmill and lets you do that fun. -food processor (to make fresh pesto with almonds. Eating healthy is essential to maintaining normality for me) This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott. p.s. the kids all started school yesterday. Well, the three oldest ones at least. There was much rejoicing for the first few hours. Then, I wanted them all back. Even if they were tired and hungry from all that learning. I have to get used to having a quiet house once more. I like it, but I don't like it. If that makes any sense at all.

In a talk that I was reading yesterday , in order to find some comfort in the loss of my friend "Frank", I came along this quote from an article entitled Even Though He is Gone, by Kay Lindsay (Ensign Jan. 1988, 53) on the lds.org website under grief and loss. Kay's husband passed away, leaving her to care for their children alone and this is what she had to say about it- "I have often taken heart in the words of former United States President Woodrow Wilson, spoken in a baccalaureate address to the Princeton University class of 1907: 'To one deep fountain of revelation and renewal, few of you, I take it for granted, have had access yet. I mean the fountain of sorrow, a fountain sweet or bitter according to how it is drunk, in submission or in rebellion, in love or in resentment and deep dismay. I will not tell you of those waters. If you have not tasted them it would be futile. And some of you will understand without word of mine. I only beg that when they are p...

This blog has always been a place where I have felt that I can go to, to express my feelings, to talk about things that are important with me, to share what is going on in my life and in the life of my family. As I share this post, please read with an open and kind heart. Yesterday I found out that one of my friends who I was in the out-patient program of the Hospital last year committed suicide this summer. Background: when you are in a program at the Hospital you get to know a lot about everyone there and become really close to them.It's almost like AA. You are struggling, they are struggling and you work together to work this thing out. When one succeeds, their success is your success as well. When one falters, you pick them up again and move on together. It is hard time in your life- going through Depression or Mania and to be at the point where nothing can help you except the help of medical professionals at the Hospital. During my 3 weeks as an out-patient on the Mental Healt...

This is my 704th post. Wow! Crazy! We've been doing a few home improvement projects this past year. With the help of some extra money and Mr. Handyman.com (I wouldn't use them again- they charge by the hour and take a long time), we were able to refinish our hardwood floors in the dining room and living room, re-tile and paint our Master Bath (which is actually just a closet kind of bathroom) and get a new kitchen island from IKEA. Here are some pictures of the finished projects. Next comes our basement. Complete with brown and pale blue and yellow carpet from the 70's with baby blue cinder block spray painted to match the carpet, we are in need of an update! Have a totally awesome day, dudes (which means buddies or friends- Asher tells me. Asher told me the other day "I love you, Dude." and in his language, I know that means a lot. This is my blog. My name is Megan. p.s. I forgot to download, oh and take, a pic of our bathroom. Soon to follow!

Check out this sweet story! This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.

So the joy of being manic includes shopping. Shopping more than one probably should. If I see a reason for buying it and it could possibly fit into the budget, I've been getting it. I have already gotten my neighbor/teacher/visiting teacher gifts for Christmas this year. Um, yeah. It's August. I'm playing Christmas Music on the piano and listening to it on my ipod. I guess I'm a little excited. Good thing I'm not baking sugar cookies in the shape of Santa and Rudolph and cranberry-orange bread too. Actually, I would probably bake the cranberry-orange bread, but the cranberries are no where to be found. All I see is watermelon and blueberries and such. Don't people know that Christmas is coming and we need to be prepared!!! Just kidding. What are the chances that this neighbor gift will actually make it into the hands of my neighbors, complete with homemade marshmallows and a candy cane or two? We'll have to wait and see! This is my blog. My name is Megan Abb...

I just have to jot down the tender words of a four year old, as spoken to me tonight. After family prayer, we always do a big group hug. Sometimes all the kids are in it, sometimes one or two are missing. And that's okay. They know that we love them. We also "I love you" at the end. Tonight Asher kept me in a huge embrace and said "I'm hugging you so much because I love you so much." I thrilled to hear those words. Over and over I went over that tender phrase in my mind as I helped Elizabeth say her personal prayers and then Asher say his as well. And then he did it again and said it again! I couldn't believe it! I said "I love you too, you are my sweet, special boy." and then came his sweet, special reply- "And you are my sweet, special girl." and gave me a pat on the back and laid down with a smile on his face. I love being a Mom! This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.

Last Monday we hit the Montgomery County Fair. Josh strongly dislikes everything to do with the fair- the baseness of it all, the long lines, the heat, the smells and the greasy food so we went while he was at work. It was so hot and humid. Bleh. We had checked out the animals then ducked into as many air conditioned buildings as possible. My favorite was the photography and art building. I love, love, love seeing other people's photography. It's amazing what you can do with a good camera and good lighting. I didn't even know you could win a blue ribbon for lego construction. We need to start working on that. We also hit the vegetable building where there were four different potatoes and one was awarded the coveted blue ribbon. They all pretty much looked like an Idaho spud to me. Good thing I wasn't the judge! My kids and I all decided that a family in our Church ward- the Hurts- should enter in their Gingerbread creations. Last year they did a replica of the Titanic....

Saturday, the 14th of Aug, started off with a trip on NYC Metro. We stayed in an apartment in Brooklyn, so we took the train to the Staten Island Ferry. The weather was beautiful and we got an early start, catching the 8:30 am ferry to see the Statue of Liberty (we got our tickets online beforehand). It was amazing. At first I thought it was smaller than it seemed, but upon arrival I saw that it was huge. We walked around and I was in awe of what Miss Liberty and what she represents. The ferry also hit Ellis Island and we debated whether to get off- we only had a day in New York City, but we did and didn't regret it. You can just feel the history in the immigration office. Like the spirits of those who went through there were watching over us. Getting back to mainland, we took the subway to Canal street, where I had to buy something at Burger King in order to use the public restroom. There is no where to use the bathroom downtown, so do it while you can, for free! We hit canal st.,...

Flowers from Josh for our 9th Anniversary I've been up early, watching a movie on our new 32 inch big screen tv that we are borrowing from Uncle Craig and Aunt Ellen. We took the tv that we bought used- when we were first married- down. The date on the back said 1993. Wow. I was freshman in High School when it was made! It was broken. Previously it had fallen and the aux. cable had broken off inside the tv. What did we do? Go out and buy a new one? Nope, we pulled out an extra set of aux. cable and pushed them into the hole that still had a broken piece in it. It worked! The sound would go in and out though. Poor babysitters who would be watching a movie on a Friday night then boom, the sound would go out. All you had to do is wiggle the cord back there but you had to know that to do that. No wonder all of our babysitters starting bringing their books, homework, YW personal progress and knitting over with them. The Abbott's tv doesn't really work, they would remember! Ho...

How much longer Must I weep? The thought of you, Within my breast Ceases not to pulse and beat and adorn my fainted breath. I love you, I miss you, My little unformed child.

I had a bad day yesterday. I've been manic all this week, going to bed around 11 pm and waking up at 4 am for the day and not taking any naps. Five hours of sleep everyday does not bode well for someone who has bipolar. Then, Josh was gone Wednesday and Thursday on a business trip. As my Dr. put it, I do not like to be alone. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am a twin and that the first time we were ever apart was when I was six years old and Molly, my twin sister, broke her arm. They whisked her away to the hospital, which was an hour drive away as we were living in Shoup, Idaho at the time with my grandparents. No one explained to me what was happening, as it all so happened so fast. All I remember is that she was gone and I thought I was going to die. Little childish thoughts, but real nonetheless. Anyways, the kids were behaving poorly all of Wednesday, as they often do when they know that something is off from their normal routine. That night Josh called and...

There is an awesome article in the September 2010 Guideposts magazine (which my Grandparents give us as a Christmas present every year- thanks, Grandpapa and Grandmama!) about bipolar. Glenn Close's sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when her 19 son was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder (think bipolar meets schizophrenia- so glad I don't have that one!) and realized she had all the same symptoms. Anyways, there was a picture with her sister wearing a shirt saying bipolar and Glen wearing a shirt that said "sister" and I just thought it was awesome that they are willing to stand up for the disorder they have and not hide it and put it in a closet and not talk about it. I want to do that! So, I googled bipolar t-shirts and these are my top favorites. What do you think?Would you wear one of these? If so, which one? I may have to buy one next month- when my clothing budget isn't being overtaken by back to school shopping! This is my blog. My name is Meg...

This is the fourth of five pictures I have on my computer right now. Let's hope I don't have to use all of them on my blog before my computer is totally restored! I went to visit a new Dr. today. My old Dr.- Dr. Kim- is no longer on our insurance. The new doctor was wonderful! I went over more with him in an hour than with Dr. Kim over the past year. Seriously. He said that I was not manic enough to be bananas. Which is good. He also said I probably had a psychosis last year when I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. He told me they would have sent me home after three days if I didn't really need to be there. I was so happy in the hospital. I must have needed to be there. You know you are manic when you want to go to New York and stay there forever and become an actress and perform in front of millions of people. Or become a radio host or a flight attendant and fly all over the world- free! Especially if that has never been one of your life goals before. My life goal has alwa...

with blogs, that I even have a blog with my whole name in the web address, and I didn't even remember that I ever made that one up. Crazy! www.megan-abbott.blogspot.com I may just have my Dad's poor memory. He doesn't remember a lot from growing up and I can never remember things like if I've seen a movie or not. I kid you not, I'll come home from the library with a DVD and say to Josh "I just found this cool DVD! What do you think?" and he'll respond "Uh, we watched that last weekend." Just kidding! So he won't say last weekend, but he'll say we saw that- like last year. The best one was when I thought about putting "Failure to Launch" in my Netflix Que just the other day. Then I remembered- No, I've seen that one already! Josh and I watched it while I was in labor with Asher four years ago and we joked about how his coming hopefully wouldn't be a "failure to launch". Um, yeah. This is my blog. My name is ...

My computer was down for about a day and a half but I'm back! No pictures on my hard drive for now, but I am so excited I will share a poem with you! Let me see... Here we are- Some Day circa 1996, when I was 18 years old. Ah, to be 18 years young again! I caught a star beam in my eye And tried to pluck it out. It is still there. If I am ever successful I shall put it in a silver box, Along with a snowflake, A smile and a frozen rainbow And put it under my pillow Until the sunshine turns purple. There is no rhythm or rhym to this poem. It just is what it is! Have an awesome day! It's raining here, so we will be "eating, doing crafts and watching t.v." as Ethan put it. Love, M

Yesterday I got the blue screen of death. You know the one that says you have to restart your computer because of problems. Then, it happened again this morning. This was not unexpected. Well, mostly. You see, a few months ago, I opened up a blank e-mail and caught a crazy virus. Spyware. Something. I don't know the difference between spyware and a virus, as we have McAffee anti-virus and it couldn't catch it. We would type something into google and the search results would pop up, but when you clicked on a link, it would send you to a different search engine. We ended up just copying and paste the page into the browser. Then the computer started getting slow and you could just tell it was working on something. I tried downloading some anti-spyware. Nothing. Josh wisely suggested we get a back up drive, as we hadn't backed up anything for the past five years. Not very smart, right? Well, we bought an external hard drive two weeks ago and backed up everything. We were about ...

A statue in Times Square, put up for a National Kiss in- we missed it by one day, but should of kissed here anyway! Josh and I- downtown New York On the top of Top of the Rock- a tall building and a great way to see the city! Friday Night view of the City! Josh and I took a half day off on Friday and caught a bus to New York City to see the sights and visit his good friend R from BYU Law School. R and Josh met on the very first orientation day of law school way back in 2004. The boys were just born that summer and we were loving life. They hit it off, became good friends and have kept in touch since then. R works at a big law firm in New York and Josh made a solo trip to see him last January. He had such a great time, that we have been talking about going together ever since. We left the kids with a very kind family- who already have five children- and ventured off. We missed our first bus that was slated to leave at 1:30 pm, not having calculated enough time to travel from Josh's ...

the sun is my joy, warming the earth and chasing the shadows of any depression away.. I'm manic. I was just recently diagnosed (a year and a half ago) but having been seeing glimpses of it from my past lately. Like when I taught third grade in 2002 and I went from grading spelling tests, to writing on the chalkboard, to picking up around the room, to planning lessons and finally to finishing grading the spelling tests. I tried to get tested for ADD. The guy asked me if the Principal was complaining about my work level because of it. No, I said. I get lots done and I'm doing really well. It's just that, really? Can I really not spend more than five minutes on any one project. Now, at home, I'll go from checking e-mail to unloading dishes to folding laundry, to writing a blog, all within a short period of time. That is, if I'm manic. When I was depressed (which I've had only one episode by the way) I would sit online for hours. And not move. Hours. And eat and eat...

I found them! All of them! All of my poems that I have ever written. I think... Well, most of them anyway! Hooray! Here's a little teaser and I'm dedicating this one to my little sister, Amy Jo . Amy Jo is 5 1/2 years younger than me and we get along swimmingly. She has provided me with all the talents and hobbies I now possess. When she played the piano, I followed suit and played too (we play about the same- she has more talent and practices less. I have less talent and practice more. Maybe not so much since the twins rolled into town.) When she crocheted, I crocheted. When she cross-stitched, I cross stitched. When she moved to Japan for a year, I moved to Salt Lake City. Um, yeah. We're like twins. Now she is living in Ogden, Utah with two adorable kids and loves to cook healthy and craft and crochet and sew. She is a certified doula and I like to think that I take a little credit in that, as I asked her to be my doula four years ago and she never turned back! Amy loves...

I'm in love with owls! I may have to change the name of this blog to the Pink Owl! Of course, it doesn't sound that great! There are so many new cute owl designs out there in crafting these days! I am head over heels in love with them! I even bought a tiny hand held mirror that Helena , my sister in law's sister (yeah, we go waaay back!) mentioned on her blog. I'm hooked on buying things that other people mention on their blog too. Turns out some things that work really well for them may not work so well for me. Like the Maidenform cotton t-shirt bra I ordered on Amazon. Um, yeah. Not for me. It was worth the look on J's face when he opened my package and realized that it was not a book. Hee hee. This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott. ps- aren't blogs fun? I can let my husband know what I'm into when he reads my blog, so if he's searching for a birthday gift in five months, he'll know what to get me! Of course, in 5 months I may be into something ...