Happiness

 Going Forward (also headed North) We signed the final paperwork for foster care this week. I thought that it would be a bigger deal for me: finally signing and finishing all of the work on our part after this long while. But it wasn't. I signed, Josh signed and we were done. The papers were combined with several others, placed on top, and placed in a large, frayed manila file folder. Our case worker said that he would finish the work for a few more families and then he would get to us. He apologized that it was taking so long, explained that these foster kids need good families but that it is such a long process (why?! makes me want to go to law school and simplify it!).  I am grateful. I am grateful that this application process is drawing to a close. I am grateful that we are one step closer to be licensed as foster care Parents. And I am grateful that I get to finish off the summer with these kiddos. It's been a little stressful (although fun) going back to scho...

   Out for Dessert for Josh's Birthday. These boys are my Joy! (Asher, Jonah, Ethan) And Elizabeth too- hopefully she won't be mad that I'm posting this! (Josh was there too- he was standing in line) I'm blogging a lot this week. This week the kids have their State Testing at school, so I haven't had any sub jobs. It's hard to administer tests as a substitute. It's been strange to not be at the school with the kids and I miss it. Two thoughts for today: -I would have never thought that I would see my friends who are foster parents go on to foster not just one, but two children while we wait to foster. It reminds me of how, when trying to get pregnant, my friends, one after the another, would be pregnant with not just one, but two and sometimes three children. -LDS Adoption Connection.blogspot.com has a great video on adoption and how it felt for one LDS Mother- Tamra- to place her son for adoption. It made me cry, although many things do lately....

I am back on the topic of foster care, as it has been looming large in my life right now. The past couple of years, with all of my children in school, have been ones of relative rest for me. Yes, we have had hard times, but they have not been the continual day to day trying times that parenting very young children can bring. I am about to return to that stage of parenting and am hopeful and excited. It can't come soon enough. Until it does though, I am going to try and relish the days that I have now- quiet at home. I am not going to take as many sub jobs. I am going to re-read the talks from General Conference, read some blogs on Mothering and spend some time reflecting on my past Mothering experiences, how I got here and where I am going. Just like a pregnant Mother does not know when her child will arrive, we have no idea when this child will arrive. We are powerless, for the most part, to rush these arrivals. And we wait. And we learn. We learn patience, submissiveness...

General Conference was amazing. It was so good to hear the words of our Prophets, to listen to the stories they tell, to feel of their love and to feel encouraged and uplifted. In the last General Conference (Oct. 2012), Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk entitled "Protect the Children" . Recently, as I have contemplated doing foster care and what types of situations these children will come from when they come into our home, I was reminded of this talk and especially of a story that Elder Oaks retells. He states: " Jeffrey R. Holland recently shared the experience of an LDS police officer. In an investigation he found five young children huddled together and trying to sleep without bedding on a filthy floor in a dwelling where their mother and others were drinking and partying. The apartment had no food to relieve their hunger. After tucking the children into a makeshift bed, the officer knelt and prayed for their protection. As he walked toward the door, one of the...

For the past 12 months since we have seriously considering doing foster care, I have not read any foster care blogs. At all. This is strange for me, since I love blogging and I enjoy a good blog or two. Late Sunday evening, I googled foster care/adoption and found a blog post with quite a few links to some foster care blogs. Some are pretty good. Some are not so good and some don't even exist at all. Here's a few that I found www.therhouse.com (o.k. this is a fave of mine and I've been following it for since we lived in Maryland. Adoption. Open Adoption. Failed Placement. A momma who has 3 adopted boys, all with Open Adoptions- she talks to their Moms often). www.ohanafootprints.com (a Mom who lives in Hawaii and has a few children of her own, one adopted and one foster child. Pretty good pics!) www.ldsinfertility.blogspot.com (a Mom who has dealt with a lot of infertilitiy and has one adopted girl through fostering and adopting) Her presonal blog is: www.mamamen....

Who Has Yet to Join Our Family,              I know that it's taking you a long time to get to our family. I know that it's so I will learn patience. I know that it's because the timing is not right. But,my heart yearns for you. As I see my sweet friends, with huge bellies, waiting and expecting, I can't help but think of you. I yearn to meet you, to finally get to know you, to be with you.             I am missing out on all of your sweet little kicks, your tiny hiccups and slow movements. But, that's okay. It's you I want to hold and to know. And so, for these next 3 months, until I can hold you in my arms, I will wait and learn and try to be prepared for whatever lies ahead and for you, my sweet foster baby. Love, Momma

It feels as though I am pregnant, due with a baby sometime this October or even November maybe? But, I am not uncomfortable- my insides are not squished like a rotten banana in my 3rd graders backpack begging for release from the strain. My feet are not swollen. My belly is not swollen. There is no heartburn, no insomnia, no food cravings that pull me to the store like there is no tomorrow. There are no outwards signs of this expectancy except for the car seat and stroller, the swing and new IKEA crib that are stacking up in the warm Garage. We try to speak of it often, as we would if we were pregnant. "We're planning to foster this Fall." we'll say to new friends and neighbors. "Oh, really?" they reply. "Wow. That's great." And often we get "How are the fostering plans coming?", just as one would ask "How is the baby doing?" And so things go, from day to day. Two Dr. visits for me, one for Josh and that's i...

Our road to Foster Care has been Amazing. It's been long and it will be longer still. It's had it's bumps and twists: when babysitters couldn't make it or when Josh had a business meeting during the adoption class. We started on this road with a desire to adopt . I had been thinking adoption for a while, but at some point, during the orientation, the speaker spoke on foster care and my heart told me yes! It took awhile to get Josh on board, and we didn't even have a job when we took the orientation class. But it all (the job and Josh and my desire) finally lined up. Oh, how I hope we can foster. It's been a little touch and go. Elizabeth got diagnosed with Depression and started therapy and Dr. visits. I have my own issues to deal with. We've wondered if we have too much on our plate as it is. But, I oh so hope this can happen. I want to be there for someone. I want to make a difference. It's more than just having a baby in the home (although that is n...

As I filled out the paperwork for our certification to adopt/do foster care, I noticed something. Yes, there were the spots where you filled in your name, your birth date, your previous addresses and whether of not you have been convicted of a felon (I haven't). There were also pages and pages of thought provoking questions as well: "Describe why you are considering parenting a child other than your own at this time." It gave me a meager space of two inches. How could I fit the description of the whole process that lead us to where we are today into one small space? Where would I explain the disappointment that lead to promptings to do something different, something we never planned of or thought of before but are now finding joy in it's journey? I skipped that statement and moved on to simpler ones "Do you have any concerns about parenting a child other than your own at this time? (no) And later, after my brain could take no more and was requesting a rest, I rea...

We're taking foster/adoption classes through Arizona Adoption and Foster Care and I'm so excited! They start April 2nd, are 3 hours each and last for 11 weeks. My friend who teaches Elizabeth piano has graciously accepted to watch our kids while we go since they are on Monday nights and I feel bad asking anyone from the ward. She doesn't have any kids and her husband is a med student so it works out well! I am excited, thrilled, hopeful, happy, somewhat nervous, worried and overwhelmed. We have a lot to do still and still need to fill out tons of paperwork, get personal references, and prep our house to pass a safety inspection. The safety inspection can be done later though. This is to do foster care/adopt through the State. Basically it is taking care of the kids that CPS takes away from their Parents. Their main goal is to reunite the children with their Parents. If adoption becomes an option that is just extra. We plan on taking kids younger than Asher- so age 4 or 5...