Happiness

I signed up at the Y this morning. There was no sign up fee for the month of January and they will babysit all four of my kids for free, so I thought- why not? This morning I did a fit n trim class and actually touched dum bells longer than it takes me to move them from one room to another. It was all new and different, but having done work out videos off and on since I was pregnant with Elizabeth, I was able to keep up with the instructor pretty well. So, I probably won't be posting as much on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, but yeah for me! Also, I was laying in bed last night, thinking of what my dreams in life are. I already have a wonderful husband and four kids, a house and a mortgage, what next? I've decided that my three main dreams in life are: 1. A healthy, happy handsome family (with six or seven kids). 2. A beautiful home (not just cute. Not just comfy, beautiful). 3. A mazda miata (a cute sports car). I'm working on the first two. Once...

The last time I saw my counselor she gave me a homework assignment. It was to write down all of the roles that I hold currently. I came up with a list of 58 roles, so far. Here they are: 1. Nurturer 2. Teacher 3. Leader 4. Friend 5. Wife 6. Mother 7. Disciple 8. Sister 9. Piano Player 10. Visiting Teacher 11. Woman 12. Giver of service 13. Writer 14. Poet 15. Scrapper 16. Granddaughter 17. Latter-Day Saint 18. Temple Attendee 19. Shopping diva 20. Housekeeper 21. Cook 22. Secretary 23. Chauffer 24. Example 25. Chocolate Affecianado 26. Home Decorater 27. Party Planner 28. Menu Planner 29. Financial Budgeter 30. Bill Payer 31. Babysitter 32. Caregiver 33. Nurse 34. Blogger 35. Researcher of Cancer 37. Magazine Subscriber 38. Internet Surfer 39. Television Viewer 40. Music Listener 41. Counseling Patient 42. Gas consumer 43. Almost everything consumer 44. Non-smoker 45. Lover of tiny animals 46. Mazda Miata affecionado 47. Return Missionary 48. High School Graduate 49. Bi-lingual woman 5...

I generally don't blog on Sundays, but I am having a rough day today. It is 9:10 am and so far I have been woken up at 6:30 am with a crying Asher, had to deal with Ethan waking up at 6 am, wanting to go potty- even though he has yet to be potty trained (I will train him on Saturday), helping a sick Jonah (he has a fever) and had to deal with a fiesty five year old who is upset every day that TODAY is NOT Christmas. I yelled at her, sent her to her room, got the boys dressed and now I am in time out myself- in our guest bedroom, reading letters that were written to me ten years ago by family and friends. I came across a poem I want to put on the blog, but I checked my e-mail first and read an e-mail from an on-line group of Co-dependents- aka CODA. My therapist says I do not have co-dependency, I have differentiation. Well. I looked at the sheet they have online and it describes ME. ME. Megan Abbott. I am co-dependent! I don't care what anyone else says, even if it is my therap...

So...yesterday I went to therapy. Counseling that is. I've done it before. When Elizabeth was six months old I began having nightmares almost daily. I couldn't get rid of them, so I went to the counseling center at BYU. They diagnosed me with low self esteem. Ok. There you go. The nightmares stopped and I later stopped going to therapy. Fast forward three years. I had a three year old and two one year old twins and was staying at home. I decided I needed therapy again. This time when I went to counseling all I could tell them was that I was unhappy and that I had SAD- seasonal affective disorder. My therapist was new and we didn't get along very well. She just kept telling me- you are not opening up to me. How could I when I just didn't get along with her? Six months ago, when Asher was six months old, I was reading a relationship book and diagnosed myself with having co-dependency. This is when you rely on others for your self esteem. I read all I could on it and made ...