I had a bad day yesterday. I've been manic all this week, going to bed around 11 pm and waking up at 4 am for the day and not taking any naps. Five hours of sleep everyday does not bode well for someone who has bipolar. Then, Josh was gone Wednesday and Thursday on a business trip. As my Dr. put it, I do not like to be alone.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I am a twin and that the first time we were ever apart was when I was six years old and Molly, my twin sister, broke her arm. They whisked her away to the hospital, which was an hour drive away as we were living in Shoup, Idaho at the time with my grandparents. No one explained to me what was happening, as it all so happened so fast. All I remember is that she was gone and I thought I was going to die. Little childish thoughts, but real nonetheless.
Anyways, the kids were behaving poorly all of Wednesday, as they often do when they know that something is off from their normal routine. That night Josh called and I just lost it. He didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed and manic. I had so much to do and so little time and the kids were so hyper and a little disobedient. He called one of my close friends and she came over and mopped by dining room floor, one of the things on my to do list, and we talked for a few hours. That made all the difference in the world!
Friday I went to see a new Dr. and while I mentioned that I liked him, he strongly suggested that I should seriously think about having more children and that upset me. I know what I want and what Heavenly Father wants. I've made it a matter of thought and prayer and here he was, a Dr., telling me differently.
Saturday Josh worked all day and I took the kids to a splash park. Jonah ended up swimming into the deep end without his goggles and the life guard had to jump down and grab him for a moment. Nothing really too big, but it upset me enough to give me nightmares Sunday morning. Sunday I awoke at 5 am, with yet again 5 1/2 hours of sleep and had a serious talk about bipolar with Josh at the breakfast table.
Elizabeth said "Stop! Stop saying bipolar!" As though it were a swear word. "Why?" I said "I don't want my Mommy to be hyper." That broke my heart. The night before I had been so happy and enthusiastic, or so I thought. It turns out I was just manic. How is it that happiness can turn into irritability and too much energy? What is the difference.
I'm sorry for this lengthly prose. Josh and Elizabeth had discussion about what bipolar is. She asked if the kids would get it. We said there was a chance, but not likely. And the day went downhill from there.
I am okay now. Thank you for your calls, thoughts and prayers.
Love, Megan
I think it has something to do with the fact that I am a twin and that the first time we were ever apart was when I was six years old and Molly, my twin sister, broke her arm. They whisked her away to the hospital, which was an hour drive away as we were living in Shoup, Idaho at the time with my grandparents. No one explained to me what was happening, as it all so happened so fast. All I remember is that she was gone and I thought I was going to die. Little childish thoughts, but real nonetheless.
Anyways, the kids were behaving poorly all of Wednesday, as they often do when they know that something is off from their normal routine. That night Josh called and I just lost it. He didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed and manic. I had so much to do and so little time and the kids were so hyper and a little disobedient. He called one of my close friends and she came over and mopped by dining room floor, one of the things on my to do list, and we talked for a few hours. That made all the difference in the world!
Friday I went to see a new Dr. and while I mentioned that I liked him, he strongly suggested that I should seriously think about having more children and that upset me. I know what I want and what Heavenly Father wants. I've made it a matter of thought and prayer and here he was, a Dr., telling me differently.
Saturday Josh worked all day and I took the kids to a splash park. Jonah ended up swimming into the deep end without his goggles and the life guard had to jump down and grab him for a moment. Nothing really too big, but it upset me enough to give me nightmares Sunday morning. Sunday I awoke at 5 am, with yet again 5 1/2 hours of sleep and had a serious talk about bipolar with Josh at the breakfast table.
Elizabeth said "Stop! Stop saying bipolar!" As though it were a swear word. "Why?" I said "I don't want my Mommy to be hyper." That broke my heart. The night before I had been so happy and enthusiastic, or so I thought. It turns out I was just manic. How is it that happiness can turn into irritability and too much energy? What is the difference.
I'm sorry for this lengthly prose. Josh and Elizabeth had discussion about what bipolar is. She asked if the kids would get it. We said there was a chance, but not likely. And the day went downhill from there.
I am okay now. Thank you for your calls, thoughts and prayers.
Love, Megan
Comments