November 15, 2011
Sometimes in life, things don't go as planned. You try your best and life lets you down. Last week I went for my second visit with my OBGYN. I was planning to see a beautiful little 7 week old embryo, moving around a little with a teeny, tiny heart going thumpa, thumpa, thumpa.
All we saw was an empty sac. It took a few moments for it to set in. Anytime now they would find a heartbeat, I thought. But they didn't. The sac was measuring too small. They told me to come back in a week- today. To do another ultrasound. To check and be sure. I knew that I hadn't got my dates wrong. It was a miscarriage. I have been through this before but it doesn't make it any better.
Dang it. CRAP. And maybe another word as well. I don't get mad very often. But when I had spent the last 3 weeks hoping and dreaming. And then it ends, just like that? Luckily we hadn't told the kids or many people.
We went back to the Dr. yesterday, after a week of waiting, to confirm and check to see if there was any growth. I had come to terms with it. There wasn't any change. It was a blighted ovum. The Dr. gave me some pills to make it pass and I started them when I got home.
I know that all things will work out for my good. I know that. I will just have to wait and see. We'll be okay. People have been so thoughtful and helpful and supportive. Thank you. Sometimes life doesn't go as planned. And it hurts. I wish there was a pill for that kind of pain.
This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.
ps. Baby Rose would be 1 yrs old today. I didn't name this one, as it was just so early.