I lit a candle on Tuesday, because I felt like it, and then I realized it was National Infancy
and Pregnancy Loss Day.
This Month- October- is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but also National Infancy & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. As a survivor of two miscarriages, my heart goes out to those who have experienced a loss of a pregnancy or of an infant.
I am going to be open and honest. The TWO MOST difficult things that I have had to deal with are mental health issues and pregnancy loss. My pregnancy losses rocked my world. When I once thought I was a strong woman- a survivor, a return missionary, a finisher of a Bachelors education, someone who moved across the country without my family, a Mother of twin toddler boys, a Mother of four under the age of four- my pregnancy losses humbled me more than I had ever been humbled. I was brought closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before.
What made the most impact to me is that I felt invisible. I had four healthy children, I was strong and I didn't think pregnancy loss was something that would happen to me- just like the loss of a marriage, a spouse, a child. It was not something that was in the cards for me in my rosy world.
When the first one happened at 8 weeks, I was in shock. Denial. Anger. Refusal to even think about it. I mourned, read things online, wrote on this blog and began to feel comforted.
When I became pregnant again a year and a half later, I was a bit more wary- knowledge and a little bit of wisdom being my shield. Finding out that this second little one did not make it, I was once again shocked and dismayed. This experience did not blow me off my feet like the last one, but it was as equally hard and trying.
My heart yearns for all the women out there who have experienced or are experiencing a miscarriage, whether it be four weeks along, or 40 weeks. To those who have lost a baby, I have no words. I can't begin to imagine what that is like. All I know is that in Christ all things are made whole again. All that is lost is restored once again and He is our comforter, our Strength and our Peace.
*www.october15.com National Infancy and Pregnancy Loss Website
*http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FSunshine-After-Storm-Survival-ebook%2Fdp%2FB00FSX5OEQ%2F&h=3AQHjPKqI a free book available on amazon.
*heldyourwholelife.com A group of women who send out free necklaces to those who lost babies.
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