October 13, 2011

Psst...I'll let you in on a little secret...


I don't like speaking in front of people!

Background:

I have always been shy in front of large groups. One time when I was a Senior in High School and had to play at a special musical recital, I was so nervous that my legs shook and the vase of the flowers on the baby grand piano began slowly dancing it's way to the edge. I kept one eye on the keys and one eye on the flowers- just waiting for them to come crashing down! (They didn't- phew)

My freshman year of BYU, I entered my American Heritage class in the JSB and was shocked by the amount of people there. When I asked how many there were I got the answer "500". In one class! (It was required of all freshman) I immediately told my friend that there was no way I would make a comment in that class. They had to pass the microphone to hear the person speak. Which is sad. Because I could have made a good contribution. I really could have. But I let my fear and my weakness stand in the way.

Even now I have a hard time making comments in Sunday School and Relief Society. If the group is small, I have no problem. If it's big? Woah.

That's all about to change.

It all started last Sunday morning during Sacrament mtg. when someone mentioned fast and testimony mtg. and I remembered that I had decided that I wanted to bear my testimony. We were sitting in the 3rd row in our new ward and had gotten there early to get those seats. I quickly decided that if there were no gaps in the testimonies being shared, that I didn't have to do it. A lady quickly stood up and spoke and I sighed with relief. And then there it was. The gap. And it kept going. And going.

So, I did it. I got up and looked across a wide expanse of faces. The overflow was filled. The second overflow was filled. I couldn't even see the faces of the people in the third overflow. They were just small little tan dots. "Good morning." I stumbled "Wow! This ward is big!" The thoughts I had went fluttering out of my head and I was left with nothing. I tried to scramble and put something together and doing so I realized that I kept saying "um...um...um" My legs shook like nothing else. And I finished and sat down.

I jokingly told a friend that that would probably be the last time that I bear my testimony in this we-are-a-stake sized ward. That's not going to happen. Got the call tonight to speak in Church on Sunday. This Sunday.

Oh, why oh why, did we not go out of town this weekend?

This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.

1 comment:

Missa said...

You know, the only problem with the "picture everyone in their underwear" advice in the church, is that no one is wearing interesting enough underwear to make that practice worth while. You will do wonderfully, Meagan, because you are a great person with tender and insightful things to say. You will touch someone who needs your unique spirit. Good luck!