I'm doing it again. The He Did Deliver Me from Bondage book by Colleen C. Harrison. That's right, I said again. When I was depressed, my Father in law recommended this book to me. I bought it right away off Amazon.com, used and marked up and tried it. As I did, I beat myself up over all the things I have done wrong in my life- for my pride, for my headiness and my arrogance. And I put the book away. Not to look at it again. Until later. Until I had been on meds for at least a year and counseling for even more than that.
Now, when I read He Did Deliver, I am calm and happy, reassured in each moment of time that I spend studying about our Savior's - MY Savior's love, that even if I am prideful and foolish and heady, He still Loves me and is there for me. ALWAYS.
The book is a twelve week course on solving addictions. It is based on Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program, but puts it in a Gospel perspective. Principle One in AA is ""Step One: Admitted that we of ourselves are powerless, nothing without God. Colleen puts that into a principle and similarly states "I of myself am powerless- nothing without God." Each principle has 7 days of activities that take a scripture from the Book of Mormon and study that principle. I love it.
This past week I finished Principle 2 about reconciling our wills to Gods, which I am definitely struggling with now as I desire to have more children and yet have to take medicine that does not allow me to have more children at the moment. At the end it suggests we share what we have learned, so I am doing so on this here, my blog.
Day 7. Alma 5:13. "The mighty change of heart is equated with humbling yourself and putting your trust in the 'true and living God' " This is what I wrote on that Sunday morning:
"My 'true and living God' is exactly that- true and living. He is active, caring, involved and knows what I need and want. I want to finish this book by Jan 1. , 2011 (I'm a big goal oriented person).
Colleen goes on to ask "How is He 'true and living' as compared to the 'God' of your compulsion?"
My compulsion is having low self-esteem- I take comfort in my weaknesses- succoring them and fostering them (worshiping them in a way) instead of actively overcoming them. This month I want to focus on having confidence and faith. They both go hand in hand: a mighty change of heart and Humility and Trust.
This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.
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