So, after the Ultrasound was done, out popped a small picture from the printer. You know- those black and white pictures on thin paper that show the baby.
"Oh! I get a picture?" I said.
"You want to keep this?" the Dr. asked in surprise.
I mean yes, the baby didn't really form. And yes, it wasn't going to make it. But it was still my baby. The one I would have around Nov. 15th. The one I would take pictures of and send as Christmas Announcements. The one that would share a room with Elizabeth and use Asher's old crib (and old binkies, as he told me.)
The one I would name Rose- if it was a girl. The one I may still name Rose.
I have been going back and forth from going naturally, to having a D and C. Josh's sister told it may take 3 weeks to happen. I leave for Utah for Womens Conference in two. I just can't bring myself to go through with a D and C. Yet. It's too final for me, just right now. Even if I still have pregnancy symptoms- like waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and then not falling asleep again. Like craving pink grapefruit.
I see pregnant women and turn away. I'm not really pregnant. But I still am. I used the "Expectant Mothers and Toddlers" parking at the gym yesterday. Was that bad?
So, the shopping cart that holds my wish items from diaper.com will keep holding that cute little diaper and wipes container and new nursing bra, but as for me, I will try to move on with my life.
Thank you to all those who have shown such a great amount of love and support! I was surprised at how considerate and understanding and loving and kind all of my family and friends were. Thank you guys.
From me, and Rose.
This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.
side note: I heard those Ultrasound pictures are not of archival quality. I will have to go copy them onto white paper to preserve them. Them and the ones of Asher, and Ethan and Jonah and Elizabeth!
"Oh! I get a picture?" I said.
"You want to keep this?" the Dr. asked in surprise.
I mean yes, the baby didn't really form. And yes, it wasn't going to make it. But it was still my baby. The one I would have around Nov. 15th. The one I would take pictures of and send as Christmas Announcements. The one that would share a room with Elizabeth and use Asher's old crib (and old binkies, as he told me.)
The one I would name Rose- if it was a girl. The one I may still name Rose.
I have been going back and forth from going naturally, to having a D and C. Josh's sister told it may take 3 weeks to happen. I leave for Utah for Womens Conference in two. I just can't bring myself to go through with a D and C. Yet. It's too final for me, just right now. Even if I still have pregnancy symptoms- like waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and then not falling asleep again. Like craving pink grapefruit.
I see pregnant women and turn away. I'm not really pregnant. But I still am. I used the "Expectant Mothers and Toddlers" parking at the gym yesterday. Was that bad?
So, the shopping cart that holds my wish items from diaper.com will keep holding that cute little diaper and wipes container and new nursing bra, but as for me, I will try to move on with my life.
Thank you to all those who have shown such a great amount of love and support! I was surprised at how considerate and understanding and loving and kind all of my family and friends were. Thank you guys.
From me, and Rose.
This is my blog. My name is Megan Abbott.
side note: I heard those Ultrasound pictures are not of archival quality. I will have to go copy them onto white paper to preserve them. Them and the ones of Asher, and Ethan and Jonah and Elizabeth!
Comments
I'm so sorry. I miscarried when I was 39 yrs old and 10 weeks along. I know how hard it is - it leaves a hole in your heart. Don't be in a hurry to move along too fast. I made a special box with my pregnancy test, vitamins, notes from my kids and even an outfit I bought is in there with some other things. That might be something you want to do. We thought ours was a girl all along and so we did name her Grace which was to be her name. Do what feels right for you, give yourself time, and take good care of yourself.