Happiness

The lawn mower is mowing next door, Declan is playing in the dirt with his dump truck and excavator and I am resting between packing boxes. I've been having a hard time lately: being depressed in the mornings and late afternoons. But also happy and energetic late mornings and evenings. It's strange. Like two halves of one thing-except one is sour and one is sweet. I take it all in stride- not lashing out at the kids or Josh, just a little more serious and wondering why. We've had a lot of trials lately- Josh not getting a job he really wanted and health issues. This new place we are moving to on Saturday will be a new start. A fresh start with a sunny kitchen, a light blue piano room and a new place to thrive!

I felt nervous and scared. The only thing that calmed me was a phone call to the Temple to put my name on the Prayer Roll. Earlier today I sat in the OB's office a week after my first ER visit. I had been having pains in my stomach and felt like they were from some Ovarian Cysts I had learned about during my last pregnancy. The midwife was kind and gentle. She checked my bloodwork over the phone and from inside the room I could hear the words "abnormal?" " What's the normal level?" And "I'm worried about pancreatic cancer." The fact that my Aunt passed away from Pancreatic Cancer didn't reassure me. I sat and listened and thought. They talked about another abnormal test result. When she came back in, she was cool and collected. Some abnormalities were found she said. I knew about one of them and the Dr had said it wasn't a concern. She said she may disagree with that. More bloodwork and an ultrasound was scheduled for tomorrow and I dr...